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Lifesmart 1,800 SQ FT Infrared Tower Heater

Hot Hot Hot

There are two ways to heat your house this winter. This LifeSmart Tower Heater is the easiest of the two.

Owning a LifeSmart Tower Infrared Heater means 1800 square feet of heat, circulated via built-in fan. What’s the other option? The heat from the rage you feel when you buy some other, crappier heater.

To be fair, that rage might be substantial, especially after learning that the LifeSmart Tower Infrared Heater can help you cut home utility costs via infrared energy, producing heat from floor to ceiling. And that rage might only increase when you hear that there’s a programmable temperature and timer feature, so you don’t have to worry about heating a room you won’t visit for most of the day.

In fact, after learning about the two remote controls and the Cool Touch exterior that’s extra-safe for kids, your rage might just be so high that you can melt the snow outside of your home. But don’t! That’s extra insulation! Without that snow, the heat will escape even faster! And that will make you rage more! And before too long, you’ll turn into the firey heart of a brand new sun, igniting the very home you once wished to save! You’ll call it irony, and some Englishman will run in to say “You don’t know what irony is, sir.” and that’ll only make you rage harder! You’ll consume the universe and fuses the very essence of life itself!

Really, it’s easier to just get the heater. Or at least a different heater for the patio.

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